I'm reading 'Secrets in the Dark' by Fredrick Buechner. Here's a great quote that I've been meditating on:
"Power, success, happiness, as the world knows them, are his who will fight for them hard enough; but peace, love , joy are only from God. And, God is the enemy whom Jacob fought there by the river, of course, and whom in one way or another all of us with fight-God, the beloved enemy. Our enemy because, before giving us everything, he demands of us everything; before giving us life, he demands our lives-our selves, our wills and treasure"
Seems like these days I'm always in the eternal struggle of the self, between surrender to a Holy God and fighting for my rights, my reputation and my plans. The 'beloved enemy' so aptly describes my approach to God sometimes. I love him, but struggle to know him and to be loved by him - struggle to allow his Grace to conquer my heart an will. In my head I ascent to the fact that in God there is only freedom through surrender, my will feels very much to the contrary.
This week, I will endeavor to surrender to a Loving God. To allow my heart to be 'pinned' as Jacob was pinned, crippled and blessed by the Stranger.